In Laws

A few weeks ago I visited my friend and her husband Jake*, who had just had their first baby. During my visit my friends mother said, "Jake will be so glad when I am gone." Jake just laughed and said, "maybe."

That got me remembering and thinking. When I was growing up I knew a lady named Joan and she didn't get along with her mother-in-law. I had heard many stories of things that pulled the two apart and I often worried about my relationship with my future mother-in-law. I was scared that I would spend most of my life dreading visits from my mother in law. That fear grew as Jon and I got into a serious relationship and it continued to grow until I met his mom. The first time that I met her was when Jon and I went to pick her up at the Idaho Falls airport. She came through the security checkpoint and all that she could do was cry and hug and tell me how much she loved me. Imagine the shock and relief that I felt after all the years of worrying about my future "monster-in-law"! I have been blessed over the years that our first meeting wasn't some fluke or that even after all the very stupid things I have said and done that I haven't fallen out of grace with her or dad for that matter. They truly love me for who I am, and would do pretty much anything for me and I them. So you may be be able to understand the little bit of sadness that I feel when I hear comments like the one that Jake's mother in law made and his response.

I have been thinking a lot about eternal families lately and how amazing they are. How wonderful is it that we can be together forever? I love the comment that President Hinckley made a while ago in reference to eternal families and links(I am going to paraphrase). Basically he said that we need to be strong link, because weak links will break our family chain between here and the after life. That got me thinking about links, who am I linked to. By marriage I am linked to my wonderful sister-in-law. She is linked to her husband and he is linked to his brother Sam through their parents. Sam is sealed to his wonderful wife, Jessica. Thus through the wonderful plan of eternal families I am sealed to Jessica. This leads to another story. After Jon and I were married, we would spend thanksgiving at my sister-in-law's house. This particular Thankgiving I was 11 weeks pregnant and dying or so I thought. On Thanksgiving day Sam and Jessica came over with their little boy Cameron. We were all sitting around the table talking about adoption, you see Sam and Jessica adopted Cameron because they were not able to have their own kids. As we are talking about adoption, I tell Jessica that I want to adopt at least one child. Oh man, that really made Jessica mad. She was so upset that I wanted to adopt when I could have my own kids. She told me that I had no right to adopt, and that I should be grateful that I was able to have my own. That I shouldn't be allowed to adopt kids out of the system, when there were other people who have been waiting years to adopt. You can imagine that I was angry and hurt. My sister-in-law tried to explain that they had been waiting three years to adopt, but I was still hurt and refused to let it go. It was one of the reason I didn't like her at all. It has been three years since that conversation, I got an email from my sister-in-law the other day; telling me that Jessica and Sam just adopted a boy and a girl. At first I didn't really care, I just hoped that maybe Jessica wouldn't be so bitter anymore. Then, I had this conversation with my little shoulder angel and devil:

Angel: You should be happy for them.
Devil: Why, they are so bitter and they hurt you. They were in the wrong when they made those comments about you adopting.
Angel: They have waited for so long to add to their family, they were hurting.
Devil: So.
Angel: They are your family you are linked eternally, you need to forgive them. Love them for who they are despite their shortcomings, they are not perfect and neither are you!

I bet you know who won. Since the little bit of enlightenment, I have felt a great burden lifted off my shoulders. I no longer have to carry around the resentment that I feel for them. I am glad that they have added two more to our family and soon they too will be linked to us eternally.

Why are our In laws always the bad guys? Why can't we love them in spite of all the things that they do to us? What makes you so perfect that you are exempt from forgiving? Jesus said love everyone. He didn't say love everyone, but your in-laws cause they drive you crazy. You are linked eternally, love them now. Let the little things that they do roll off your back, especially if they have tried to apologize for the dumb things that they did. Realize that you may not be as innocent in a situation as you would like to believe that you are. Life is so short, don't spend it being mad at the ones that you are spending eternity with. Remember that you are not perfect and neither are they, but we are all trying.

Sorry it is so long, Jessica really got me thinking.


*Names in the related stories have been changed to protect the slightly innocent.